monkey trophy

Two week since the New Year’s Eve debacle and once again Proton and Electron are ending the weekend in the shed. Away from the sick bay that passes for Protons house.

Earlier in the evening they had returned to Protons house to drop back her luggage. Quark whose penniless week is coming to an end appeared tetchy, obviously desperate for his next fix.

Proton has to padlock her bedroom door in order to keep Quark from stealing her stash of wine and Electron could not help noticing that Quark disappeared rather quickly once the padlock had been removed from the door and later finds that the padlock itself has disappeared. He spends the next 20 minutes in search of the missing lock but to no avail, although in his mind he is sure that Quark has pocketed it in order to raid the room later. There is a choice of trusting Quark not to enter the bedroom or to take the padlock from Protons medicine chest (something that is also attractive to Quark) and is in the bedroom. Figuring it is best to have the initial barrier secured they opt to use the padlock from the medicine chest on the door.

Back at the shed the evening meal is about to be served up when there is a phone call. Electron always worries when the phone rings late at night, his mother is elderly and he always fears it may be bad news. But it is merely Quark, and so it is bad news.

It is 1 hour before Quark gets his giro money but he can wait no longer. He is requesting to come over (just like New Years Eve) in order to borrow £20 for drugs. Proton is in the process of agreeing to this demand when Electron tells her to say that she will call Quark back in a few minutes.
“What the hell are you doing?”
“He just needs it for tonight; he will pay me back tomorrow”
“That’s not the point, you do not give him money for drugs, he will get them soon enough. You are just enabling him to be a junkie”
Electron eventually agrees and informs Quark of this decision. They assume that Quark will not be happy about this. The atmosphere in the shed has turned sour. The meal is eaten and a taxi is called to take Proton home. Electron insists on accompanying her, who knows what they will find back at the house. Proton believes Quark will be there in order to help her with her bedtime regime, Electron doubts this.

Quark of course has gone out to get drugs despite earlier promising to be there for his mother, but at least the bedroom padlock is still intact.

And so Quarks next 2 week process begins again. 3 to 4 days of him in and out of the house at all hours of the day in varied states of chemical alteration followed by not feeling very well and having to spend all of his time half dozy or asleep in his bedroom until the final phase of increasingly agitated activity leading to the receipt of his next giro.

Meanwhile Charm appears to be getting her life together. No new Neb is on the horizon. No drunken calls late at night.
She has embarked on a 3 year course in horticulture and is a volunteer helping to plant a new orchard.
After a particularly wet day in the field she stopped off in town and whilst sitting down to roll a cigarette was approached by a tramp who asked if she was sleeping rough as he knew where the good hostels were.
Must have been her muddy clothes.

January passes, Strangeness who is still living in the house has not been seen by Electron for the entire month. So no apology for causing the New Year disruption has been forthcoming. He has been either asleep or in the study with the internet. Proton has once again let Quark override the security settings. She had to because he needed to look up some information about mushroom spores! As you do when you are a junkie. It really is an uphill battle trying to get Proton to stop enabling her boys to be addicts.

It can be reported however, that Strangeness has beaten his previous record of internet porn use… 20 hours nonstop! His search history indicating nothing but porn from 5am in the morning to 1 am the following morning.
Electron is sure there is some sort of competition for such a thing, vaguely remembering a story about an eastern European who holds the record. Perhaps they should enter Strangeness for the title this year. It would give him a sense of achievement at least and for once give his mother something to be proud of.

The missing padlock mysteriously turned up in an empty box in Protons bedroom towards the end of the month. Perhaps it just fell there.


Perhaps not.



The story so far……

Quark managed to get himself into a hostel. Apparently it is very nice, en suite and everything. The plan is to stay as a homeless person and after 13 weeks the rules regarding a cap on housing benefit for the under 35’s is waived, thus enabling Quark to get a flat.

That’s the plan

He returns to Proton everyday, however, and stays until late into the evening before returning to the hostel. After a few weeks he sometimes stays overnight as he is allowed 2 nights away from the hostel every week.

Proton & Electron were under the impression that he would be attending help sessions to get him to address his substance abuse. But as he is always in Protons house taking drugs, he does not attend these sessions.

After 6 or 7 weeks he declares that he has been evicted. Evicted from the homeless hostel, how ironic.


“Normality” has thus returned, one week high as a kite on amphetamines and valium followed by a fallow week of sleeplessness and depression.

And so on and so on.

Charm is still living with her grandmother and attending AA meetings twice a week. Has fallen off the wagon a few times and beaten up Titania who went to visit her for a few days at the seaside. Titania was so fearful that she refused to stay in the same house as Charm and left at 4.30 in the morning to wait at the bus station for the 9 o’clock bus.

Strangeness still will not go to his own flat. Preferring to sit in front of the internet with a chinese look on his face throughout the night. I am only assuming this, I am not during his 10 hour sessions of looking at Ladyboy or incest porn. He still doesn’t know how to clear his search history.

But heh! 10 hours! of nothing but porn. Got to admire the mans stamina.

Christmas Beckons