Just like Christmas it is present time again.


In 3 days time Charm will be 40 so Proton is writing out her card and is about to put in the obligatory £10 note. She always gives her children money on their birthdays, £10 to Quark for a bag of smack even though his debts to her run in to the thousands, £10 to Strangeness for a bottle of rum or some dope. So why should Charm be any different? Well for one, she is the only child who gives presents, so why should she not receive a nice surprise for once? But this is difficult for Proton, it would involve thinking of others and selecting something appropriate. This she is unable to do, money is far easier.

“Why don’t you send her a present ?”, asks Electron.

“No, I’m sure she’d prefer money.”

“What for? Dope?”

“Not necessarily, she could use it towards anything.”

“But she won’t. Its her fortieth, why not get her a present? For the same price you could get her the second series of that programme she likes, on DVD.”

“Do you think she’d like it?”

“Well, she loved the first series.”

“But she will be expecting money”

“Only because that is what you give her every year, GET HER A PRESENT”.


Electron is dispatched to order the present online.

This process being new to Proton, she begins to suggest other items to order (as recommended by the vendor).

“No, just this will be fine, anything else will only detract from the item chosen especially for her.”

The present is purchased.

Later that evening Proton says;

“I’m pleased I got Charm that present”.


“But she would have liked the money.”

“What for? Dope?”

“Not necessarily, she could have put it towards anything.”

“But she wouldn’t.”

“Glad, I got the present.”


The definition of a vicious circle.


P.S. Charm phoned on the morning of her birthday. She loved the present!


Taking Back Control

June 2017

Despite numerous ultimatums (Ultimata?), Proton is still living in the shed.
Despite coming back to town to sort his flat out 10 months ago, Strangeness is still living in Protons house.
Despite being a homeless junkie, Quark still lives in his grandmother’s house.
(Apart from when he visits the shed to get his return fare from Proton after spending his government payout on drugs).

Electron feels homeless and abandoned.
Proton now has full sovereignty over Electron.
Proton needs him to do everything for her 24/7.
He can no longer freely travel abroad (or anywhere else).
Having to buy endless milk and toiletries, his money does not go as far as it used to.
Proton insists on tuning the radio to the phone in shows on Fascist FM, making him listen to the racist and stupid.
Life is not moving forwards, if anything, it’s going backwards.
No point in talking, Proton does not listen.



The Ungraspable Concept of Giving


It is 5 days before Christmas and Electron has been giving Proton ideas for things he would like. She has done nothing. He already has her presents.
Her response is that she was not brought up to give presents to people once they are grown up. Electron can understand this when talking about children, of course, but he points out that when you are with a partner, spending Christmas together perhaps it would be nice to receive a surprise for once.
Last year he bought his own presents and wrapped them for himself. This year it would be nice for Proton to get him a present without him knowing what it is.
“Well take me to the mall and I will get those dvd’s”she says.
“No. You do not understand. I do not want to know what I am getting, why do you not understand.I have given you ideas for several things I would like, Books, dvd’s, vaping equipment, a new violin bow. Baby boy is doing bugger all, you can get him to get one of the items and I will not know which it is. It’ll be a Surprise!”
“Well he is in town now” she replies, “I will phone him up and get him to stop at the DVD shop.”
“No! A surprise.”
Proton accuses Electron of having a tantrum about presents and thinks that this is all very childish.
“OK. Forget it, I will go into town now and take your presents back.” Says Electron being childish.
Baby boy phones up and Proton starts to ask him if he would be able to go to the DVD shop tomorrow!