Cat Interlude

thats not my name

The cat abides.

Turning up regularly as clockwork for food and disappearing ‘til next time.

Jessie Bunter now has a collar with “his” contact phone number written on it.

Just like he has “his” dishes, “his” milk, “his” ham “his” cheese and “his” bed – according to Proton.

Out of the blue one day, Proton & Electron receive a phone call asking them if they are the owners of a black and white cat. The term owners is pushing things with regard to a cat but they own up.

“ I just thought you might like to know where he spends his time all day?”

“We are intrigued. Yes.”

The woman on the phone explains that she has recently moved into the area and lives some distance away on the other side of the railway tracks in front of Electrons shed. She has 3 cats of her own and Jess likes to visit regularly and hang out with them on her patio, even sometimes sleeping overnight on or under her deckchair.

“You don’t want to keep him do you?” asks Proton.

“No. I’m already known as the mad cat lady” , she replies.

So Electron continues to provide the food daily.

Some months later Proton and Electron are sitting in the back garden, wondering where Jess is and guessing that once again he is over on what has become known as the Catio when, who should appear high up on the garden wall but the lad himself.

Suddenly, from the neighbouring garden they hear;

“Oh look, here’s Felix”

They have already learned that the neighbours on the opposite side know Jess as Santa, due to the white marks on his paws which look like snow on black boots.

To paraphrase a recent song;

They call him Santa

They call him Felix

They call him Pingu


That’s NOT his name!







A Cat Diversion


Meanwhile the Cat has become a fixture.

Choosing to turn up night and daily in return for food and the occasional chin rub before  buggering off again.

Proton decides that she “loves” Cat and begins to treat him as one of her children, God help  him, he already has a catnip addiction.

Cat now has HIS bed, HIS light, HIS Door, and Electron is dispatched to ensure that these  things are either plumped up, on, or open, just in case Cat returns. If Cat does not return, Electron is sent out to look for him.

With unkempt hair and wearing slippers and pyjama bottoms Electron scours the back  alleys as he tentatively calls out into the darkness for someone called “Big Jessie!” Eventually the tinkling of a bell will be heard and Cat will appear at Electrons side for  the walk back home with only the occasional pause to inspect the underside of cars.  Walking with Cat makes Electron happy it brings out his caring side and gives him  a sense of control. As much control as one can have over a cat.

Protons eyes light up when Cat re-appears, she makes up songs and sings to Cat,  invariably Cat ignores her. But no matter, whatever the situation in the house;  tension, stress, arguments, all these disappear on Cats arrival.

As the months pass, Cat, now sure in the knowledge that he has a home, turns up as and  when he pleases. He stays for less time, just enough time to eat HIS food and HIS milk.

Electron points out that this is costing him a small fortune for what is basically a sentient  ornament that keeps disappearing. Mimicking Electrons question when Cat first began to make regular visits, Proton asks; “What is point of Cat?”

Electron ponders his own question and replies……………”Joy”.


cat alley





Nature or Nurture?…Proof at last.

18 November 2015

shed cat

Whilst Proton was in hospital a stray cat appeared outside Electrons shed. After a few days Electron took pity on the cat and began to feed it occasionally, but in time the cat began turning up every day. He continued to feed it and eventually began letting it into the house.

At first the cat was suspicious, only staying in the hallway and running out at the slightest noise. But slowly he became more confident, eventually getting to the point of curling up on the sofa alongside Electron to watch football on TV.The cat seemed to like the football; all those bite sized little men on a green background.

Proton finally got released from hospital to live with Electron in the shed. She had been informed about the cat and vowed that whilst recuperating it would not be allowed in the house. This lasted all of one day when the cat announced its arrival by leaping through the open bathroom window. Proton who has no love of cats loved Cat. Who wouldn’t?

This is a picture of Cat. No need to protect him with an alias. He cannot talk.

cat flowerSo the weeks went by and Cat made himself more at home. Proton & Electron began buying treats for him. Cat repaid this by sleeping virtually non stop. But he was a comfort for Proton whilst Electron was at work, just as he had been for Electron when Proton was in hospital.
He was after all a lovely cat.

One day Proton thought it would be nice to present Cat with a catnip mouse. It was hilarious, he had never moved so much before. Rolling and jumping and attacking the mouse with gusto. This provided great entertainment for both him and his keepers.
But thereafter Cat did not seem himself. He couldn’t concentrate and began to look lacklustre.

He then bit Electron!

To appease Cat they once again gave him the catnip toy but he appeared to have exhausted its supply of aroma. They would have to get him some more catnip.
This they duly did, Californian catnip, the strongest in the cosmos according to the blurb on the packet. The catnip was put safely high up in a closed cupboard and Cat was let in. Immediately sensing catnip somewhere, he leapt on the kitchen table, an area thus far out of bounds, in a desperate atempt to get to the cupboard.  The new catnip mouse was duly presented to Cat and the entertainment began. He could not get enough of it. Eventually the toy had to be taken away in order to return Cat to some sense of normality.

This seemed to take some time.

The internet seemed to imply the effects only lasted 10 – 15 minutes with the cat then losing interest for a few hours. Not Cat. He would persist for hours and then sit staring at his keepers menacingly, all co ordination seemingly having left him.

He only had eyes for catnip. On being let into the house he would make straight away for where the toy last was, even bypassing his food tray.
He began to push open doors in an effort to get to the drug. Even though the toy was not there the smell of it lingered and he was not leaving the room without a fight. He stared back at Electron with dilated pupils.

Then he bit again.

Cat used to be a mellow prescence but after just 4 weeks Proton has managed to turn a docile cat into an out and out junkie.
jess bongShe has had the same effect on a cat as she has had on her children.