The Timetable

May 2017


Its been over  18 months since Proton broke her hip and more than a year since Quark set fire to her house. The insurance claim is almost complete and she has finally got new carpets, sofas and curtains in her lounge.
But she is still living in Electrons shed!The Ultimatum came to nothing again.
She is living, but for Electron it is a half-life.
Always has been.
Even before her various illnesses and disabilities took hold, Proton was hardly a person of action.
Now it is far worse.
She accuses Electron of being hyperactive, he points out that he is merely active.
They argue daily.

Proton works to a strict timetable and this cannot be changed :

  • 8 – 9am get out of bed.
  • 9 – 11.30 – chain smoke and drink coffee whilst having an immediate opinion about whatever they are talking about on her favourite radio station, Fascist FM.
  • 11.30 – 12.30 prepare and eat her breakfast cereal
  • 12.30 – 2.30 – chain smoke whilst considering getting her dentures ready
  • 2.30-3.30  Clean and fit dentures
  • 3.30 – 5.00  Smoke and drink tea, with perhaps a little nap
  • 5 – 5.30  Get dressed!
  • 5.30 -6.30  Lunch
  • 6.30 – 10.30  Browse the internet with TV on in the background from 9pm
  • 10.30 – 11.30  Eat supper
  • 11.30 – 1.30  Watch Tv and smoke
  • 1.30 – 2.15  Unprepare dentures interspersed with smoking
  • 2.15 – 2.45  Get the final 3 cigarettes into her system before going to bed
  • 2.45 -3.00 Bed, and in the process invariably wake Electron up ( He tries to get to bed around 12 midnight)
    Repeat for the rest of her life.

Electron (who by the way no longer is a smoker) has his own timetable:

  • 8..00 am get up and ready for work. Prepare the coffee maker and make coffee for Proton
  • 8.30 – 10.00 Listen to whatever has flitted across Protons mind and to her views on Fascist FM
  • 10 – 6.30pm Work then return home, usually collecting various shopping items for Proton on the way home.
  • 7.00 pm Re-enter the shed, having been hit by the dense fug of tobacco fumes as he opens the front door and then squeeze past thee contraption that Proton erects her laptop on and the Kitchen countertops. Except when she is in the bathroom, she never leaves the Kitchen
  • 7.00pm Immediately on entering the kitchen, start listening to whatever Proton wants to talk at him about, and I emphasise AT. If Electron stupidly believes he is having a conversation and attempts to talk, the most words he can get out is 2 before Proton talks all over him.
  • 7 -10.30 Continue to talk at Electron, sharing anything that comes in front of her eyes on the internet whilst Electron prepares supper or sits on the uncomfortable chair at he kitchen Table. Proton sits on the sofa in the corner.
  • 10.30 – 12 midnight – Perhaps some respite from the incessant vocalisations of Proton as they both watch whatever crap is on TV.
  • 12 midnight – 1.30 Fight to be allowed to go to bed before Protons designated time. Go to bed invariably angry.
    Awake and repeat.

Meanwhile in Protons own home, Strangeness perhaps has a time-table

  • Some days, get up
  • Occasionally go to the free money office to sign for free money
  • Mostly sleep
  • Once a week when the library is open late – get more library books
  • Read books about white supremacy and islamic hatred
  • Sleep.



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