Cleanliness is next to Slobliness

sitting in the dark

It’s the weekend before Xmas and Charm has returned to briefly check on the boys and make sure that they are keeping Protons house clean and tidy. She also has some friends to visit. Unlike the others, Charm has friends outside of her immediate family.

On sunday, Charm arrives at the shed to visit her mother. They begin arguing within 90 seconds. Charm heads for the front door but Electron manages to persuade her to stay for a while, he could do with some moral support as he is sick of arguing with Proton by himself.
Things calm down, Charm reports that the internet is working again and that things in the house are okay.

“Are they keeping it tidy” asks Proton.
“Well are they”
“Not really”
“So are you going to tidy up before returning back to my mothers house?”
“I’m leaving in 4 hours, so No. Oh and there are no lights working on the ground floor”
“What! How are they coping in the dark”
“They are using table lamps plugged into the wall sockets”

Protons concern for her beloved “boys” knows no end.

“Are they there at the moment?” she frantically asks.
“Strangeness has gone off to see his daughter in the country and Quark is dozing in the lounge”.
It is 3 o’clock in the afternoon.
“We must get over there to sort things out” states Proton.
Who is this we? Thinks Electron, knowing the answer full well.

Charm phones ahead to warn Quark that they are coming and they duly arrive.

Quark dressed in shorts and T-shirt and wearing a Stetson hat answers the door.
(Obviously his body is overheating due to vast opiate and amphetamine use recently)
The stench from inside the house  hits immediately.
Proton breaks down in tears.
Quark suggests “a nice cup of tea”.

The kitchen is a scene of devastation. It does not look as if any washing up has been done since Charms departure some 4 weeks previous.
The new cooker hob is matted in what appears to be some sort of mouldering, fermenting mass. There are cigarette butts on the carpet and half a glass of something orangey yellow on the kitchen table, it could be urine.

dirty cooker

Through her sobs, Proton says;
“Why did you not tidy up while you were here Charm”
Charm? What has it got to do with her, thinks Electron.
“It’s not any of my doing”, states Charm
“But you said you were going to”
“I had other things to do”
And so on and so on, the boys make the mess and the girl is the one who is supposed to clean it up according to Proton. So much for feminism.
Electron looks out of the kitchen window. Despite Quark stating that the drain had been unblocked it is obvious that it hasn’t been. Electron dons some rubber gloves, grabs a stick and busy’s himself cleaning the mixture of cooking fat and hair from the grating. A five-minute job.He can’t help noticing the portaloo is still in the back yard but daren’t open it to see if it has yet been emptied, the odds are that it hasn’t been. He then returns to replace the blown fuse under the stairs. All the ceiling lights come back on.

Proton decides that she would like to take her reclining swivel chair and footstool back to the shed, amazed that it does not appear to have been damaged in any way.

Quark begins to look as if he is about to tackle the dirty dishes as they leave for the shed.


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