22 August 2015.
Electron has arranged to set off early in the morning to visit his elderly mother some 100 miles away so is sleeping in his shed.
5.30 am BRINNNNG BRINNNNNG
It is Proton:
“I’m wedged between my bed and the chest of drawers, I fell and I can’t move, the kids have phoned for an ambulance, I told them not to, please come !”
Within 5 minutes Electron is at her house, the ambulance crew is already there. Proton appears to be in great pain but as she cannot remove her jeans the ambulance crew state that as they cannot examine her they cannot help and that they are on a 20 minute time slot . If she still has pain in a few hours she should call another ambulance. They leave.
Hours go by. The ambulance crew managed to get her partially on the bed but her legs straddle over the edge. The pain gets worse… and worse. She is unable to move but after 5 hours nature calls.
What to do ?
We remember the portaloo.
It is quickly retrieved from the utility room adjacent to the kitchen but….
On opening it is obvious that it was never emptied the last time it was used many months ago. Electron wretches and wretches but manages to hold things in. The portaloo is deposited in the back yard and Electron fetches a metal bucket.
After 6 hours another ambulance is called. Electrons stroking and stroking (unlike the the lung infection episode) did not alleviate the pain this time.
This ambulance crew is far superior to the previous shambles. They turn up complete with a junior doctor and state that they are here for as long as necessary. No time limit.
The junior doctor is a Muslim, thankfully Strangeness who has returned to the lounge to watch you tube videos does not see her enter the house. Strangeness hates Muslims.
The crew are fantastic and despite the various obstacles in their path manage to get Proton down the stairs and into the ambulance.
The cries of anguish however are terrifying. It is all Electron can do to stop from crying himself.
As Proton is administered morphine, Quark states that when she gets back everything in the house will have changed. It will be totally cleaned up ( the “boys had been asked to do this 2 weeks earlier – the stains on the wall, the cobwebs, the general mess). Everything is going to change.
Their mother is telling him she loves him and questioning whether god loves her. “What have I done to deserve this? She asks herself”.
Quark looks on as the ambulance pulls away.
Nothing like a glimpse of mortality to shake one into action?
Proton is rushed into A & E. Tests are done, morphine is dispensed, X rays are taken.
Everyone is on top of their game. The NHS is wonderful when the chips are down. Proton has broken her hip. Not fractured. BROKEN. Electron cannot even imagine the pain.
In the ambulance Proton was asked to rate the pain on a scale of 1 – 10.
9 she replied.