Fiction v Reality. A Letter to Proton

Dear Proton,

During our recent seemingly endless arguments you constantly repeat that I knew you had “kids” when I met you,

This is true, but what is also true is that they were hardly kids at 14, 15 and 17.

It was not as if they were 2,3 and 5, that would be a totally different picture. Naturally I had assumed that they would all soon be growing up eager  to flee the nest and make lives of their own and the two of us would do the same together.

But unbeknown, to me at least, they were all suffering from arrested development. They may as well have been 2,3 and 5 years old.

Wibbly Wobbly screen to represent a dream……

21 years after we met, how’s this for an alternative present day:

“How’s Strangeness’s book signing tour going?”

“Very well, he’s got Hollywood interested in his next one and an advance for a six figure sum. He says he’ll try to drop by when he finds some time in his busy schedule. And promises to bring Ivan with him this time. But it’ll have to be a flying visit.”

“Oh that will be great; I’ll get some good wine in and cook a nice meal for all of them. I enjoy having a good old chat with Strangeness, he’s so full of life, and Ivan is such a sweet guy, you and he get on really well”.

“I guess it’s true what they say about having a public school education. Doors have certainly opened up for Strangeness.”

“It would be nice if Quark could fly over from the States with Sharon and the kids to all meet up, but I know it’s not easy what with the demands of being visiting emeritus professor at Harvard as well as his Save the World Foundation duties”.

“Letting him go to live with his Father in America was the best thing you did for him”.

Still, I’m sure Charm and Sebastian would like to meet up, they are only a few hundred miles away after all. I’m sure they can afford some time out from their successful pottery business.”

Wibbly Wobbly, back to reality.

Charm at least seems to be getting her life together. Sober for months now and busy planting trees.

“Is Strangeness having a waking day today?”

“It’s nearly 8 o’clock at night so he might be getting up for breakfast.”

“Has he been back to his flat at all this year? After we put the block on access to internet porn it would have been nice to hope he found something else to do all day, other than sleep.”

“I know, but he has been like that since he was at school, they had to put him on early morning washroom duty to make him get up”

“Guess Quark is still up the park. Hope he doesn’t bring some of his drug mates back today, he seems to be doing that a lot lately. You shouldn’t feel guilty about kicking them out when they skin up in your living room”.

“Has he paid you back the money you lent him?” “No thought not”

“Any sign of a replacement kettle to replace the one he dropped and broke last week and have either of them looked into replacing your garden chair. The one they smashed during their New Years fight? It would be nice for you to sit out in the sun now the nice weather is coming back.”

“Never mind it’s too late now, only another 10 days before he picks up his Giro – just got to catch him in the first few days before it’s all gone”.

“I’ll clean the new hob, again, don’t think he’s done any permanent damage. And when is that upturned bike going to be out of the lounge?”

“I really wish I hadn’t wasted £600 on getting the room habitable. He’s taken it over as a drug den or spare bedroom for his junkie friends. What a waste of time and money, the walls are already filthy. And have you checked where the record crates are? They seem to be moving about the house and we don’t want another ceiling to collapse”.

“Have you or he heard from his Father recently, or is he still visiting the Puerto Rican crack dealers and eating in soup kitchens?”

The front door opens followed by random burbling and the sound of someone stumbling into something……..

Upstairs a shadow flits across the landing, a brief moment of consciousness due to a call of nature.

“Come on, let’s go over to my place. You must miss Charm not being around to argue with. We’ll have a few drinks and you can fight with me.”