The Great E-Vape

Some months ago Proton was diagnosed with circulation problems caused by smoking. In order to receive medical attention she has been told that she must stop smoking.
She left the hospital and immediately quit.
Asking only to stop off at the local supermarket to pick up an electronic cigarette.
She bought an e-cig starter pack complete with battery charger, tried it for the evening but couldn’t get on with it.
So returned to the real thing.
Over the next week or so she tried several different brands of electronic cigarettes all with their own chargers.She now has about 5.
But she cannot get on with them. She constantly returns to the normal cigarettes the ones that are killing her.

In an attempt to help her, Electron begins to research vaping on the Internet.
He takes her to visit the local vaping shop.
They suggest that she begin with a starter pack.
Desperate for Proton to give up he buys the pack as a Christmas present. Over the next few days Proton tries it and on one day manages to get through until the evening without a real cigarette. A minor success, but ultimately she cannot get on with it, she spends the evening chain-smoking.
However, on visiting her no smoking counselor the next day, her lung function is tested and she finds the carbon monoxide level has decreased.
Surely this will give her some incentive? But it doesn’t.
Seems you can’t beat the real thing.

Over the years Electron himself has been fighting his own battles with the cigarette. Unlike Proton however he has tried to quit. He can go anything up to 5 days without smoking. Cold turkey.
But the inevitable stress of Proton and her “children” make him go back to his roll ups every time.

The New Year begins and realizing he has money in the bank he decides to visit the vape shop on his own.
Not wanting to be fobbed off with a”Starter Kit” he buys a more advanced piece of kit. He proceeds to vape. 28 days later he is still vaping and not smoking .

Proton is not having it so easy
She buys the same kit as Electrons along with several bottles of liquid.
All tobacco flavour but none of them taste as good as tobacco.
So she buys some more tobacco flavours.
Same result

Electron however is really taking to it. It speaks to his inner nerd.
He enjoys the hobby aspect of it
He buys another system even better than the previous one.
Loves it. It produces masses of fruit flavoured vapour and satisfies his needs.
Proton looks enviously at it
She now wants one of these too.

“Not until you start vaping properly”, says Electron.
“it is always the same with you. You get into something and you buy all the stuff and then you do not use it.” He continues. As far as you are concerned once you have the thing that is it.”
“You have to persevere in order to achieve something”.
Proton looks upset .
She reaches for her cigarettes.

Cut back to the present:
Now , with a cold and a lung infection, she sits coughing in Electrons Shed.

Electron is now over 6 weeks tobacco free.

Proton still insists on smoking.
Courtesy of her cease smoking action group she has been prescribed over £100 of pharmaceutical products to assist her in giving up:
Nicotine sprays for that early morning hit.
White plastic tubes that dispense a puff of nicotine to mimic the hand to mouth action of a smoker. Proton especially hates these. They look like a tampon.

She has had this equipment for over 3 months but all remain sealed in their packets unused. Untried.
They sit with her e-cig collection of cigalikes complete with their chargers. Her vaping starter pack the dual battery version together with the extra atomisers for all the different tobacco flavoured liquids she has purchased. Her super dooper E Cigarette the advanced mod type – Gen 3 – just like the one Electron has.
She must also have around £50 of e liquid. All unused.

Finally realising that it is no good and she should not smoke tobacco whilst her lungs are so bad she has come up with a new solution.
She will send Electron to the chemist to buy……
………some nicotine patches!


If My Eyes are Open……I’m Smokin’

cigarettesProton is now living in Electrons shed .
Both are ill. As ever Proton is worse. Despite being female, she is always the one who catches man flu.
She is wracked with coughing fits and has to use her inhaler regularly. The coughing keeps Electron awake at night. Electron eventually recovers, enough to return to work. But Proton hangs on to the bug with tenacity. The coughing continues unabated.
But through it all she continues to smoke cigarettes.
This is her addiction.

From the time she awakes to the time she retires to bed she always appears to have a fag in her hand.

Electron is sure that if she could find a way of smoking whilst eating and sleeping, she would.

Electron who has recently given up smoking for vaping is finding it hard to breathe because of the cigarette smoke within his shed. He is now acutely sensitive to this smoke and is wary of himself becoming one of those ex smokers who despise smoking more than people who have never smoked. But he can’t help urging Proton to join him in his conversion to vaping.
He begs Proton to try some of her vaping equipment she has loads of it.
“It makes me cough”, she says and reaches for her cigarettes.

Everything in the shed makes Proton cough. The windows cannot be opened because the cold air causes her to cough. She thinks perhaps the damp wall in Electrons bedroom has caused her to have a lung infection. Even though she arrived at the shed with this infection.

Electron is beginning to feel a prisoner in his own shed.He has been tobacco free for over six weeks but at the moment is passively smoking 40 a day.

Why can she not get into vaping?

Coo Ker. Ka BOOM!

16 Feb

coo ker boomMonday night and electron is alone in his shed watching football on TV.
10:30 p.m. the phone rings. it is Proton .
“My cooker just exploded!”
“What do you mean?”
“The oven it just went bang. Really loudly. Quark came rushing down expecting to see me splattered all over the kitchen.”
“God! Are you okay?”
“Yeah a bit shaken up but…. ”
“So what are you going to do to eat ?”
“Quark will do something in the microwave for me.”

Tuesday at work Electron gets a phone call from Proton. She sounds terrible.
“Will you be coming in tonight after work? I really need to see you.”
“Yeah sure, What’s up?”
“I don’t feel very well.”
“Did Quark cook for you?”
“No, he went out last night. I waited up but he didn’t come back.”
Of course he didn’t, it was drug money Monday.
“So what have you eaten?”
“Just two bowls of cereal in the last 24 hours.”
(Proton does not know how to work the microwave.)
Electron returns from work to find Proton very shaky and anxious. She seems to have difficulty breathing.
There is no sign of Quark and Strangeness has gone to the country again.
“You’re coming to the shed,” he says.
The oven is made safe, the electrical sockets are covered over to ensure that neither of the “boys” uses the oven or cooker. Dire warning messages are written in bold felt tip to emphasise the danger.

(If you don’t believe an electric oven can explode, let me assure you. It CAN.)

The pair retire to the shed.
As the evening draws on Protons breathing becomes more and more erratic.
Unsure of the cause, did she inhale some toxic smoke or is this an extreme anxiety attack. Electron does not know whether to;
(a) Call an ambulance.
(b) Take proton to the hospital or…
(c) ..what to do.

He settles for trying to calm her down Gently stroking her for the entire night in an attempt to get her breathing under control.
Eventually daylight arrives – only 4 more hours until Protons doctors appointment.

The doctor detects some crackling in Protons lung and she is prescribed an inhaler and told to rest.
As the day wears on Electron himself because to feel unwell. It seems Proton may have contracted a cold and she’s given it to him.

What’s a chimp to do?

Strangeness returns from a long stay in the country to find the computer is not working.

No porn today. In desperation he has to resort to what we did in the old days, before computers. He goes to his room to do some drawing.

A day later Strangeness returns to the country leaving his drawing pad behind. Typical teenage stuff; women in stockings and stilettos, spread-eagled,  together with some badly drawn cocks.


Strangeness is 39 years old.