Blipped Brain

2 FEB 2015
brain blip 2

Quark has been raving about the new smart phone that he has had for 12 days, his first phone with access to the internet.
He loves it;

“it really is the Hitch Hikers guide to the Galaxy” he says, “There is even a site called Babel Fish”.

But Monday is the night Quark gets his giro. So when Proton and Electron return from the shed he is nowhere to be seen. At 30 minutes past midnight he is out at the cash machine to get his free money, just can’t wait until daylight.

Strangeness is asleep of course.

When Quark returns, 2 days later, he eventually admits to Proton that he has lost his phone.
He must have left it at one of the “friends” he always visits at the start of drug fortnight.
Same old story.
In the past few months he has “lost” 2 brand new cycle helmets, (Courtesy of Proton – she doesn’t want him to be harmed on his cycle) oh yeah but he “lost” his bicycle too and two more phones. Lost or sold, who knows.
At the moment he is sticking to the “lost” story.

But as the week wears off, the story evolves. He has not only lost his phone, he has lost his wallet, his hat and gloves and his rucksack. He puts all this down to having a “Brain Blip”.
“A What?” asks Electron.
“Yeah, a Brain Blip. I went over to Strangenesses flat. I remember climbing over the back wall to go through the back door which is always unlocked, but it was locked”
Electron resists the urge to ask why he was going to his brothers flat when he knew full well that Strangeness was asleep upstairs in Protons house but lets Quark carry on with his story.
“Anyway I somehow got in and the next thing I know is that it is 11 o’clock in the morning and I am sitting in the Lotus position outside Strangeness’s front door and all my stuff is gone. Like I said a brain blip”.
“I’d see a doctor about that if I were you” advises Electron. “When was this again?”
“Monday night, early Tuesday morning”.
Of course it was. No need to see any doctors. Quark knows the blip was self-inflicted.

THE ADDICTION OF KEEPING THE ADDICTS ADDICTED

monkey trophy

Two week since the New Year’s Eve debacle and once again Proton and Electron are ending the weekend in the shed. Away from the sick bay that passes for Protons house.

Earlier in the evening they had returned to Protons house to drop back her luggage. Quark whose penniless week is coming to an end appeared tetchy, obviously desperate for his next fix.

Proton has to padlock her bedroom door in order to keep Quark from stealing her stash of wine and Electron could not help noticing that Quark disappeared rather quickly once the padlock had been removed from the door and later finds that the padlock itself has disappeared. He spends the next 20 minutes in search of the missing lock but to no avail, although in his mind he is sure that Quark has pocketed it in order to raid the room later. There is a choice of trusting Quark not to enter the bedroom or to take the padlock from Protons medicine chest (something that is also attractive to Quark) and is in the bedroom. Figuring it is best to have the initial barrier secured they opt to use the padlock from the medicine chest on the door.

Back at the shed the evening meal is about to be served up when there is a phone call. Electron always worries when the phone rings late at night, his mother is elderly and he always fears it may be bad news. But it is merely Quark, and so it is bad news.

It is 1 hour before Quark gets his giro money but he can wait no longer. He is requesting to come over (just like New Years Eve) in order to borrow £20 for drugs. Proton is in the process of agreeing to this demand when Electron tells her to say that she will call Quark back in a few minutes.
“What the hell are you doing?”
“He just needs it for tonight; he will pay me back tomorrow”
“That’s not the point, you do not give him money for drugs, he will get them soon enough. You are just enabling him to be a junkie”
Electron eventually agrees and informs Quark of this decision. They assume that Quark will not be happy about this. The atmosphere in the shed has turned sour. The meal is eaten and a taxi is called to take Proton home. Electron insists on accompanying her, who knows what they will find back at the house. Proton believes Quark will be there in order to help her with her bedtime regime, Electron doubts this.

Quark of course has gone out to get drugs despite earlier promising to be there for his mother, but at least the bedroom padlock is still intact.

And so Quarks next 2 week process begins again. 3 to 4 days of him in and out of the house at all hours of the day in varied states of chemical alteration followed by not feeling very well and having to spend all of his time half dozy or asleep in his bedroom until the final phase of increasingly agitated activity leading to the receipt of his next giro.

Meanwhile Charm appears to be getting her life together. No new Neb is on the horizon. No drunken calls late at night.
She has embarked on a 3 year course in horticulture and is a volunteer helping to plant a new orchard.
After a particularly wet day in the field she stopped off in town and whilst sitting down to roll a cigarette was approached by a tramp who asked if she was sleeping rough as he knew where the good hostels were.
Must have been her muddy clothes.

January passes, Strangeness who is still living in the house has not been seen by Electron for the entire month. So no apology for causing the New Year disruption has been forthcoming. He has been either asleep or in the study with the internet. Proton has once again let Quark override the security settings. She had to because he needed to look up some information about mushroom spores! As you do when you are a junkie. It really is an uphill battle trying to get Proton to stop enabling her boys to be addicts.

It can be reported however, that Strangeness has beaten his previous record of internet porn use… 20 hours nonstop! His search history indicating nothing but porn from 5am in the morning to 1 am the following morning.
Electron is sure there is some sort of competition for such a thing, vaguely remembering a story about an eastern European who holds the record. Perhaps they should enter Strangeness for the title this year. It would give him a sense of achievement at least and for once give his mother something to be proud of.

http://necromanc.blogspot.co.uk/2006/01/masturbation-world-record.html

The missing padlock mysteriously turned up in an empty box in Protons bedroom towards the end of the month. Perhaps it just fell there.

wine

Perhaps not.