8 Jun

long in the toothTime for Electron & Proton to embark on their annual mini cruise to Spain. A time to get away from the “children” and relax.

Quark is left with orders not to light any candles and not to set fire to the house. Strangeness is, of course, asleep.

The first afternoon and evening on the ship passes uneventfully. After a pleasant evening of wining, dining and being entertained they retire to their cabin.

7am in the morning, Electron is awoken by Proton shouting “Ow!”.

“What’s up”

“I’ve just hid my face on the wall shelf, turn the light on, quick”.

Electron does as told and see’s that Proton has dislodged her front tooth.

“Oh god, that’s terrible” he says.

They both get up, the earliest in a long time for Proton.

Proton is visibly shaken, she needs coffee and a lot of cigarettes, but as the morning progresses the tooth begins to drop lower and lower.

Realising that she would need to seek emergency dental treatment in Spain and would need proof of the incident for her insurance , Electron & Proton seek assistance at the reception desk.

The woman at reception is sympathetic and asks Proton to fill out an incident form. She then contacts the onboard “nurse”.

The receptionist is unsure what has caused the accident, so in order to explain Electron calls up a picture on his mobile phone, showing the projecting trim that Proton had hit with her face whilst turning over in bed.

Before he has a chance to show her the photo an officer strides into the area and proceeds to verbally attack them both.

“Why do you show me picture? I am not interested in picture, I come here and all you do is show me picture. Follow me!”.

They do as they are ordered and follow him down the corridor to the infirmary, with him ranting and raving throughout.

Once in the infirmary he asks their names and cabin number even though this is on the incident report he is now holding in his hand. Nonetheless he writes this information again on the back of the form, stating:

“This is for me, it is not for you!”

Finally he asks what the problem is and Proton shows him her tooth which is continuing to drop.

“Your teeth are not good! (Charming) – When did this happen?” he asks.

“This morning at around 7 o’clock” my partner replied.

“Last night!”

“This morning” she reiterates

“Last night” he continues to insist, no doubt inwardly accusing us of being drunk at the time.

Carrying on to say “I do not know what happened. I was not in the cabin. There were only you two in the cabin”

Is he trying to imply that they are lying, or worse, that Electron had hit his partner.

Eventually the officer states that he can only offer pain killers, to which my Proton replies that she already has pain killers and shows him them.

His response is to question why she has such strong pain killers  and did she always take these (is he intimating she has a drug problem?)

At this point Electron steps in and tells the officer that “she takes them to help the pain she suffers from due to having 3 fractured vertebrae in her spine!”

With that they are ushered out of the infirmary with a typically Gallic gesture. (The entire crew are French).

To cap it all the ship is delayed by 5 hours and by the time they reach dry land the tooth has fallen out.

However, there has been a silver lining in this very dark cloud:

Due to the early rise, Proton and Electron witnessed a school of whales spouting on the horizon as well as a large number of dolphins playing alongside and behind the ship. So Proton tries to see it as not so much losing a tooth but gaining the rare sighting of whales.

Despite the misfortune that has befallen Proton, the 3 days in Spain pass pleasantly and they return Home refreshed.

On entering the house only Quark is around. Proton is eager to tell all about her unfortunate holiday, but Quark is not really taking it in. He has obviously been taken other things in while she has been away.

“Where’s Strangeness” she asks.

“Asleep”, he replies, “I haven’t seen him since you left”.

Unbelievable. They have travelled over 1000 miles across the sea and back, stayed on a ship and in a hotel for 4 days, and all this time Strangeness has been dead to the world!


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