9 April 2014 – Protons Birthday.
Proton has already received a Birthday card from her Mother together with a letter stating that her allowance is being cut by 50%. Talk about tactless.
Electron has taken ½ a day off work to share her happy day. Even though her day does not really began until 5 o’clock. She is happy with her presents from Electron but does not like the card. He thought it showed lovebirds but she thinks that they are facing away from each other.
Proton and Electron go out for an early evening stroll in the late sun. On their return, Quark unexpectedly turns up with the usual card bought by Charm and signed by all three of them. Even more unexpectedly he appears to have a present. This has never happened before.
He has been riding around on his bicycle with this bulky object wrapped in Christmas paper for the last 4 hours waiting for Proton to return. What could it possibly be?
With trepidation, Proton begins to remove the paper…. It is some kind of ceramic. First the white octagonal top of it is revealed. Followed by a gaunt ceramic female face with flowing yellow hair. She is wearing a white toga and is leaning back against and slightly wrapped around a cyan blue Greek column. The base of the column is white and decorated with pink hearts. It looks like a depiction of a Greek prostitute. It is hideous in its kitchness.
The sort of twisted mind that could conceive of such an item beggars belief.
The sort of mind that could purchase such an item, we are all too well aware of.
Proton immediately assumes it is something that has been used to smuggle drugs into the country. Quark is slightly put out by this, but laughs it off. Electron peels of the green baize beneath the base of the monstrosity. Sure enough there are traces of white powder but Electron reassures Proton that this is merely ceramic powder, nothing nefarious.
The object is placed next to the kitchen fire. The fire has a blue mosaic base surround. Strangely the ornament suits this location. After the initial shock has worn off, all agree that it is not too bad really and Proton begins to quite like it. Except when the light catches it from a certain angle, when it looks like an evil Kerry Katona (Is there any other kind?)
But it is the first present that Quark has ever given and for that we must be grateful. What on earth is he after?